• Rusty Pencil

Funny and rude Christmas cards online - not the usual crap ones

Rude Christmas card cartoon. Black and white illustration of a 1950's man sitting in a chair smoking a pipe.

Us British lovelies send more Christmas cards per person than any other country in the world. If last year is anything to go by, we’ll be sending about £180 million worth of single cards and about £200 million worth of boxed ones to our nearest and dearest, and to those other relatives we’ve ignored throughout the year.

Yep, we certainly love sending a Christmas card or two. Last year’s Royal Mail Group’s survey highlighted the Covid-19 situation was key to the solid sales. I think the current Covid-19 situation will be no different and we’ll send millions again this Christmas. The likes of my aunties and uncles will get the traditional robin and a snowman, but for my chums, they’ll get something funny and a little rude.

But where are all the original funny and rude Christmas cards online?

Good question. With an estimated 1000 greeting card publishers in the UK offering millions of cards, the Christmas card pot is massive and overwhelming. To make our online search even more exasperating, the first few pages of Google are regularly filled with those paid for ads from the usual companies offering the usual cards: same old jokes, same old clichés. It’s all very predictable. Quite frankly, I get irritated by it, and so do millions of others by all accounts. Research tells us that 75% of users never scroll beyond the first page for any search. Yikes! Are we that impatient and dismissive?

These very same companies flood your local supermarkets and many gift shops with the same designs. Is it any wonder people get tired seeing the same old cards? It’s a case of seen it, bored with it. Yet there are so many other cards beyond this big grey cloud of triteness that are more original and funnier. Maybe there’s a handy directory of such cards.

Sadly, there’s isn’t one. You could - if you could be arsed - go to the very useful Greeting Card Association’s member's directory and have a browse yourself. But life’s too short, so I thought I’d pick a handful of the ones that I like. Maybe you might like them too.

Original and funny cards -

my selection

Apart from my own original and hilarious cards (well, it is my blog), there are so many other original and funny publishers out there under the radar. The following publishers I’ve met at trade shows, workshops or card thingy piss-up events. They’re to my own taste so you might find them a bit Marmite. They’re all available online.

Rude Christmas card about a nutcracker. Pen and ink colour illustration of two soldiers.

First up is Bewilderbeest. This publisher is illustrator Iain who worked on the family farm. Thankfully, he gave up battling cabbage root fly and chasing disgruntled chickens and turned his hand to pen and ink. He’s adept at drawing animals which comes as no surprise. His charming cards are classic fun puns with the occasional contemporary twist.

Funny Christmas card of a grumpy cat in a Christmas hat. Colour illustration.

Jo Clark is an illustrator, animal lover and jolly nice person. Her illustrations are simple, clean and witty; sometimes silly punny, and sometimes funny punny. I particularly like her Cats in Hats range. She also does lovely active wear adorned with cat images for girls who like yoga, pilates and jumping about a lot pretending to be fit.

Rude Christmas card of a children's drawing. Colour illustration.

Objectables own a gift shop in sunny Folkestone, Kent. In their spare time, while they’re not pissing about in their shop making paper planes and writing silly messages on their A-boards, they’re designing funny cards. Some are completely off-the-wall, some are silly, some are daft, none are predictable.

Very rude Christmas card about a family playing the Christmas game charades. One word - bollocks. Colour illustration.

Finally, Modern Toss. I’ve never met them but it’s a popular, yet very niche, publisher and is easily found online, but I thought I would slip this one in simply because I love it and sums up my feelings for Christmas. These extremely rude cards are available online, though less likely to be found in your average high street shops as many churchgoers and grammar Nazis are likely to be easily offended. Bless them.

I hope you enjoy my selection. And try to go beyond the first page of Google whenever you do a search. I always go right to the last page. I have a lot of time on my hands.


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